If this happens, how you respond will demonstrate your character. People will be watching and they will make their decisions about you based on your actions and reactions.

Listen

Regardless of how you feel, take the time to listen to what the person being violated has to say. Do not interrupt or attempt to correct them. This is a chance to learn about the person who is talking to you. They are demonstrating a lot of courage, agency, and self-advocacy by choosing to bring this up with you. Respect that by giving them the floor and listening intently to what they have to say.

Seek to Understand Before Responding

Demonstrate your respect and concern for them by listening carefully and attempt to understand where they are coming from. If you need some time to think before responding, ask for it. The way in which you respond to this situation will demonstrate the content of your character.

Own it

If you did, in fact, violate this person’s consent, own it. Accept that you made a mistake. Understand that you may feel bad about the situation for a while and make peace with that. Sometimes we have to feel those negative feelings in order to grow into better versions of ourselves.

Seek to Repair the Relationship, if Possible

Ask about what you need to do to help address the situation. Tell them what you will do to make sure the issue does not recur. Tell them that you will be doing this regardless of whether they choose to play with you again or not and ask if there is something you can do to help them feel better.

Seek Education

If the person would still like to interact with you, seek to learn from their experience. What was it that went wrong, and how might you have prevented the situation you are in now? Were there questions you could have asked? Assumptions you could have refrained from making? Take some time to reflect on your past experiences and look for patterns. Has this kind of violation happened before?

Remember, consent is a highly nuanced and ongoing conversation. Do your best to communicate honestly and authentically, respect your boundaries and those of the people around you, ask questions when you aren’t sure, and treat everyone — them and yourself — with kindness and grace.