Check in with yourself. Try to understand what kind of an effect the consent violation may have had on you. Consent violations do not always affect the person who was violated in a negative way. Sometimes they can present an opportunity for growth and self-reflection. Other times they can wreak havoc on an individual’s well-being. Whatever they happen to be, your feelings are valid. You have the right to express them and be heard.

As general guidelines based on the ” Categories of Consent Violations” above:

#1-3 – Innocent, Accidental or Misunderstanding – Stop everything and talk. Be specific about what happened, how you felt, what you had consented to, and what you had not. Depending on how you feel, you can either address the violator directly or you may want to speak to somebody more removed from the situation like a friend or, if you met in a group setting, the moderator of the group. It may also be helpful to write down your immediate thoughts and feelings after the fact.

Sometimes all this requires is a conversation, but sometimes more. Perhaps some education on the topic in question is warranted, perhaps some closer monitoring by the monitors of the venue or event for a while until it is clear that this is a one-time issue and unlikely to recur.

#4 – Neglect – This is more serious and indicates a lack of education or due care. A violation of this nature certainly warrants education and closer monitoring for a time. Perhaps more in specific cases or if there are repeated violations.

#5 – Ignoring – This is very serious and, depending on the details, may become criminal activity. If the Ignoring was a safety issue only, education and monitoring is certainly warranted. Some groups might consider expelling a person who does this, especially if they receive more than one report about a particular person. If it crossed the line into criminal activity, see #6-7 below.

#6-7 – Sexual Assault or Rape – These are serious crimes and should be treated as such. You have the full set of options to report this to law enforcement and, if you met the person through a local group, to report it to the moderators of that group. Do not worry about outing the person who criminally violated your consent. If you would like to take legal action against them, you are well within your rights to do so. If you would prefer not to pursue legal action, that is also okay. The highest priority in this situation should be your safety and well-being.