The root of ethical and effective negotiation is honesty.

BE HONEST. Be complete. Don’t hide important things, including your level of experience. This is critical. Without real understanding of (1) the people involved and their needs and limits, and (2) the planned activities and their associated risks, it is impossible to give informed consent. This begins with being honest with yourself. What do you want out of bondage? Tell your partner(s) what you really want. Listen to what they really want. Do your best to determine whether you could have a path forward together.

Different situations require different levels of negotiation:

• For simple pickup play or a single encounter, you can negotiate a few straightforward activities and discuss just the details and risks of those specific things.
• With regular partners, or someone you are hoping will become a regular partner, you will need more detail in your negotiations so that you understand each other more deeply. This allows you to explore further and with more flexibility as you gain experience with each other.

Below is a general, high-level list of things that are important to understand and discuss. This is a good general start, but you need to research the risks of the specific activities you are interested in and include that information in your negotiation.

This is a general list for general BDSM encounters. It does not include many details that are important to a rope scene. When you are negotiating a rope scene, you still need everything on this list and you also need to include details specific to rope and any other activities you want to include in the scene.  For example, if you plan to tie someone’s arms behind their back, you need to know if they have done that before, if it went well, and if they are aware of any medical or physiological issues that would prevent them from doing so now. Those scenario-specific questions are not included in this general list. Rope-specific details will be discussed in Risks When Using Rope and Nerves & Circulation.