There are a few generally accepted rules and expectations, but there are many variations amongst people, protocols, and practices. Don’t be afraid to think a little outside the box.

Practices, expectations, and cultures often vary by location. Every place has its own kink scene culture that is a product of the people who make up that scene. If you don’t mesh with people in one group or location, try another.

We feel we have to say this because “the community” is made up of individuals. As with every community, there will be some individuals who have very strong opinions and will want to tell you that what you are doing wrong (according to them). Listen to what they have to say. Be respectful of their time. If what they say makes sense to you, great! Take it onboard. But just because some random person says that “this is how it is” doesn’t necessarily make it true, or true for you. Don’t be intimidated. Talk to other people, too. Do further research. Learn how others in your local community see things and make up your own mind about what works for you.