If you are tying in a public or semi-public place like a party or public dungeon, the venue will normally have people in place to make sure everyone abides by the rules and is being safe, and they are right there if anyone needs assistance. These people are often called Dungeon Monitors. If possible, the first few times you play with someone, it is best to do so in such a place so that you have that safety net.

But when you shift to playing in private you take on additional risk. One of the ways to help manage that risk is to have a “safe call” in place. This is true for all parties involved, not just for Bottoms.

A safe call is a pre-arranged time where you will contact a trusted person to confirm that you are safe. That person also knows the real physical location where you are going to be and the real legal names of the person/people you are meeting. If the call is not made on time and your safe call contact cannot get ahold of you, they are to call the authorities and send them to your location.

When everyone involved knows that all the other people have someone that is going to be checking up on them, it makes everyone safer.

There are many reasons for a safe call. It can help lower the risk of assault and/or imprisonment, but it is also important if the Top becomes indisposed while the Bottom is helpless in some way. Medical emergencies happen (heart attack, diabetic shock, seizure, Gerald’s Game). If the Bottom is unable to reach their phone, having a safe call in place means that emergency services will be on their way by a certain time. So, it’s not just to protect you from the person that you’re tying with. It can also help prevent bad things – even accidents – from getting worse.

Safe calls can take many forms depending on the relative level of risk. Here is a common approach:

• Before you meet the person in private, meet in public and get to know them. Preferably more than once. If you decide to meet in private, get the real address you will be going to and the person’s real name. Have them show you a state-issued ID. Do not meet a person that is not willing to do this. Take a picture of it to give to your safe call contact.
• Before you go to the location of the private scene:
• Give your safe call contact your play partner’s real name and the address of where you will be, along with the picture of their ID. Do not go to a different location without informing your safe call contact first.
• Consider temporarily sharing your mobile phone location with your safe call contact.
• Arrange a time when you will call your safe call contact. Usually, a call is preferred over a text message as it is much easier for a nefarious person to pretend to be you over text.
• Consider having a code word or phrase that you are to use to indicate well-being or plan to have your safe call contact ask you a question that only you would know the answer to.
• For example, you could agree that “things seem to be going well” actually means that you are afraid for your safety and that “Remember to feed Rex!” means that you feel safe. Choose whatever makes sense for you.
• If you decide to use a question instead, a correct answer indicates that you are safe and well. If you answer incorrectly, you are in danger and need assistance.
• At the time of the safe call:
• Call your contact and talk for a short time. Provide the appropriate code, if applicable. Verify that things are okay.
• If you do not call on time, your contact should try to call you immediately.
• If you do not answer the phone for your safe call, your safe call contact is to call the authorities immediately and send them to your location.

Important! – Having a safe call is not a guarantee of safety. It can be an important tool but a lot of horrible things can happen in a short time. So it is best to meet in public and play at larger parties several times to build trust and experience before you play in private.