You have been through an experience. You will be mentally and emotionally processing that experience, perhaps for several days. You also may have had various hormones and neurotransmitters rushing through your system due to what you experienced.

It is entirely normal to experience heightened emotions for a few days or to feel what we call “drop” (“Top drop”, “sub drop”). This is when you feel a little depressed. This is a common reaction to the highs that you felt. It is easy for some people to confuse this mostly physiological process with regret. If you are playing with someone new, make sure they understand that this might happen and that it is a normal physiological reaction that will pass. Invite them to contact you to discuss it if they wish, or offer to reach out to them in a few days to check in with them if they would like you to.  (Don’t just tell them you will do so however, tell them you would be happy to do so and ask them if they would like you to.)

After you have had time to process, try to have a debriefing conversation together.

• Discuss experiences, observations, and reactions.
• Assume positive intent.
• Be honest and clear, have a mindset of receptivity and growth.
• “What would have made that even better?”
• “Is there anything that didn’t work as well for you?”
• How did you feel when I… ?
• You seemed to react in a (x) way when I did (y); what was running through your mind at that point?
• Use “I feel” and “I felt” statements when describing your own experience.
• Note lessons learned, positive and negative.
• Decide if you want to continue to play with that person.
• Update your notes on that person so you don’t forget what you learned about them, how their body works, and their reactions to the things you tried. Use that to improve next time.