Vet them with questions.

• This helps you determine compatibility for engaging in play.
• You can also probe into their experience and other information important for informed consent. Sample questions can be found below.

Ask them for references.

• This is iffy, they may only tell you about people they have had a positive experience with, but it does show that there are people they have had positive experiences with.

Ask leaders of groups in their local area if the person is known to them.

• This can be helpful if the person is known in the community, but not everyone is known.
• You can often do this through FetLife.com.

What if the person isn’t part of their local community?

• “Oh, I prefer to stay away from the community because [reason or excuse].”
• Perhaps they say it is “too cliquey” or there’s “too much drama.”
• Perhaps this is true, or perhaps they are known in the local community and have a bad reputation, so they claim otherwise.
• This is a little controversial, because there can be good, legitimate reasons for not engaging with the local community, but many people see it as a red flag if a person does not engage with the local community at all.

Listen to your gut. If something seems off, even if you can’t quantify it or articulate why you feel that way, pay attention to that sense. You have years of experience in reading others; use it.

If a person is unknown, insist on attending multiple public scene events (munches, parties, etc.) first. Get to know them and play with them in a monitored environment first, before you play with them in private.