If you are here just to learn to tie on yourself, or to tie on a mannequin or other inanimate object, you can skip to the next chapter. The rest of this chapter is dedicated to those of you who would like to tie or be tied by other people, or who are interested in connecting with other shibari enthusiasts.

If you are interested in shibari purely for artistic/aesthetic purposes, be aware that some rope lovers are coming into this from a BDSM background. If you are coming at this from a BDSM background, be mindful that some rope lovers are in it purely as an artistic endeavor. Keep this in mind when interacting with others. If you are unclear about a person’s specific motivations, interests, or desires, ask.

The rope community can be found in every part of the world and many places online. Like all kink, it used to be hidden deep underground, but the internet has made people aware that they are not alone, and the community continues to grow and become more open. Rope people love to share what they have learned and it is important to understand the etiquette expected when connecting with other rope enthusiasts.

Online Resources

Currently a popular resource for finding local contacts, and for socializing and learning about anything kink-related from real life practitioners is FetLife.com.  There is a new one that looks like they are trying to do things right:  Submit.gg  They don’t have as many people at the moment, but are growing fast, so by the time you read this they may be much bigger!

FetLife is a social networking site focused specifically on connecting kinksters. It is designed to help build a community, so it purposefully does not include some features of a dating site; you cannot search for people based on their profile or demographics. It allows people to create profiles, yes, but it its real focus is on groups and events. This is an important and powerful difference that has made it popular with kinksters all over the world, so it can be a useful tool for connecting with your local rope/kink community. It is free and, if you use a separate email, anonymous to create an account.

Once you create an account, first look for a “munch” by searching FetLife using this term:

“(Name of your closest larger city) Munch” For example, “St. Louis Munch”, “Cincinnati Munch”, “Leeds UK Munch”, “Rome Munch”, “Singapore Munch”

A “munch” is the term for a meeting that takes place in a public place so that people can meet and get to know one another and talk about kink without doing something risky like going to an unknown person’s house. Munches are often a combination of a community outreach and early/continuing education venue. Most larger cities tend to have multiple munches put on by different groups with different interests. Every group is different and you may find yourself connecting more naturally with the people in one over another, so try several before you settle on one to attend more regularly. For example, if you are under 35 years old, you may find that you connect better with a “TNG munch” than you do with the “rope munch” because members of the TNG group are all under 35, too. (TNG stands for “the next generation”.) Or you may find that you like the local rope group better because it has people with more experience that are willing to teach. Or you may find you prefer the wider range of topics offered in a general munch or group vs. one focused on a particular activity.

Another useful link is: Fetlife events near me

In-person Resources

If you are wary of using an online tool, consider heading to your local sex/kink shop and asking for resources. Sex/kink/rope-friendly retail establishments tend to be few and far between, so they can serve as important centers of information about the local scene. The same goes for some alternative nightclubs. It may be worth talking to the employees of such places on your quest for information. Be specific with the questions you ask. If you are looking for rope groups/practitioners, say so. Take note of the recommendations you get and look for trends and patterns. Eventually you will find your crowd. It just might take a little digging.

Use Common Sense – This is still the real world

It is important to understand that the kink scene (online and in-person) is a collection of individuals. The vast majority are good people, constructive, well-meaning and willing to help. But, as with any other community, it also has members who are not trustworthy. You will come across ignorant people who think that kinksters are all “easy” and that they can get easy sex if they just pretend to be an uber-Dom or sex kitten. Do your research. Vet any individual before meeting them; make sure they are known in the community and have a good reputation. If a person says that they don’t like to do things with the local community, many consider that to be a red flag, no matter what reasonable-sounding excuse they might offer. Protect yourself. Use good internet and real-life safety skills.